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[08 Sep 2005|08:24am] |
wow. its been a while.
lesse. college.
russian. for like 8-10 hrs a day. intense.
prof- alexei. amazing. much respect/awe for him.
roomie- fantastic! i love her to death.
wing ppl- pretty good. lots of martial artists. some fun ppl. one guy who i like except for his non-acceptance of gay marriage.
boyfriend- one. XD this isn't utah. also v. nice. takes me out for jamba juice. has tattoo. has really nice abs. and chest... and arms... XD
my life(in order)- russian. bf/friends. sleeping. working out (i really need to start). partying (havent been to a single one).
so yeah...
доброе утро н дасвндане
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[03 Aug 2005|11:15pm] |
dulce et decorum est
pro patria mori
i keep telling myself this. over and over. i've imbedded it in my bones, injected it into my blood. i have to believe it. because if i don't, then i die without a reason. without justification. no warrios death, no earned passage to valhalla of old. just a waste. a waste of good flesh and blood. a waste of life. my life. but not mine. not any more. patria. fatherland. but i do not die for my father. i die for a man far away. he is not my father, he is my accountant. i am one of many many numbers on the pieces of paper handed to him by subordinates.
i hate this man. smug and cold in his aloofness. yet i understand him. if he were to look at us as anything but numbers, he would not be able to continue his job. sending number to their deaths is a great deal easier than condemning humans.
i understand him. but i hate him.
war has no honor anymore. it is no longer a test of skill. man to man fighting. personal.
it is a test of resources. war is not about the fighting. it is about the results. i am a means to an end. the road to fortune and respect is not paved with bodies, it is made of them. as we fall, we are added. shortest distance to whatever we are fighting about now. oil. image. power. greed.
i must make peace with my death. or else i would not be about to die. if i do not make my own death, they will give me theirs. they call it death in battle. but we all know that is a lie. this is not battle. this is a show of force. one more way to prove patria's power by showing that they can throw as many lives away as it takes to win.
and so i create my own death. i tell myself that i am fighting for something greater than myself. that my life is nothing comapred to what stands to be gained. that when i die, i will be honored like a warrior.
if i say it enough, maybe i will believe it.
dulce et decorum est
pro patria mori
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[02 Aug 2005|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 fucking spider on toothbrush |
] |
| [ |
music |
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crickets |
] |
( late night writing )
shameless promotion of other story XD. my inner capitalist.
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[31 Jul 2005|10:24pm] |
OMFG
accents.
so hot!
[dies]
czar ding dong- i want a russian/japanese one and a scottish one.
accents!
[dies again]
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[26 Jul 2005|12:26am] |
ah. just finished return of the king
basking in the overall feeling.
its like... being part of something as old as man.
this hero idea
somethign greater than one can ever be
this epic and primal struggle
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[25 Jul 2005|09:37pm] |
well
am here in CO
moving into new house is going well
my room is tiny
but i get to drive around a lot
which is fun
todays goal: read lotr rotk
probability of accomplishing said goal: pretty good if i can count wee morning hours as today
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[20 Jul 2005|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
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boxes being taped. |
] |
my last day in seattle
[sigh]
thank you so much czar dingdong!
[uberflailglompspazzattackofdooom]
i can smell it through the box
mmmmm
it will always remind me of our adventures! which were spectacular indeed
you must keep my informed of new ideas from your bdsm place.
and if i ever publish sir bobo/give it a title where i can do dedications, it will be for you bc of all your help.
[love!]
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[12 Jul 2005|09:19am] |
i am now officially a lisenced driver.
i hit a curb parallel parking and i did somethign else wrong. but i passed.
and then i locked the keys in the car.
XDD
we had to get a hanger from the dry cleaners next door.
go me.
^__________^
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[11 Jul 2005|10:08pm] |
started learning sword form today.
learned some new technique.
im gunna miss kuk sool.
max and eric expecially make me happy.
yet now am depressed. not sure why. driving test tomorrow.
[nervy]
meh.
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[10 Jul 2005|01:50am] |
[striken with random urge to write]
list:
leader
brains
brawn
death
love
sex
art
prophesy
war (honorable)
war (otherwise)
thinking
nature
farming
crafts
messenger
trickster
water
fire
fates
retribution/punishment/just rewards
hmm i have to plan this better.
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[08 Jul 2005|10:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bro trying to cook? |
] |
aww. [warmfuzzy]
woke up. read lotr bc can muahaha. got online to check email to see if max responded to crazy krak one i sent yesterday. got really cute/encouraging response to write liek crazy and offer to trade work.
this just made my day. well, this and the knowledge that after i get stabbed in the arms (which i am looking forward to? weird) i can have coffee (which i am also lookign forward to)
warm fuzzy was bubbling over, so i figured i'd lj about it
[hugmax]
[hugcoffee]
[hugseverything]
wow its liek being drunk except not as nasty
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[06 Jul 2005|09:02pm] |
dearly beloved. errr. ladies and jellyspoons. we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of ella's toenail. toenail lived a long and healthy live and was instrumental in the defense against sparring partners. we hope that the new one is not ugly and deformed.
go in peace
bless you my child
the power of christ compells you
etcetc
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[23 Jun 2005|10:14pm] |
major recent events:
1. weird lady surfaced a 5.20 in the am yelling. turns out she's this crazy person that the police caught earlier this morning and then let go. wtf!
2. more spamalot. just so funny. and tim curry. ahahahaha.
3. sword makes my arms hurt. but in a good way.
4. peter lorre makes me laugh
5. old movies are still better
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| is it apathy to ignore someone when they only cry for attention? |
[24 Mar 2005|06:48pm] |
on bus on way home today. trying to read. going fairly well for a few stops. then we make a stop and there is a lady yelling at some teenagers. we all roll out eyes and are happy shes not waiting to get on the bus. bus pulls away, lady comes screaming towards the bus.
well shit.
so she gets on and keeps saying that she wishes she was dead. then she starts crying. sporadically. really loudly. with big shuddering gasps and everything. shes looking around. when somebody is looking at her, she stops crying. but when nobody pays attention, she cries again.
finally a guy gets on and starts talking to her. she complains a lot and he tries to help her but shes really stubborn in her self pity. she makes tons of off-colour (because the british are cool) jokes about arabs and muslims. i wanted to hit her over the head and tell her to stop being such a prejudiced ass. not only was she wallowing nonstop in sympathy when someone is trying to help her, she was insulting. i guess i just dont tolerate intolerance. hypocritical, no? in the worst way. ah well.
but yes. was just so weird. needless to say, i didnt get any reading done.
just another reminded for me that i have to meke sure i never get that stubborn. hopefully ill never have that much self-pity either. its digusting.
reminds me of someone at school... (yeah, im a bit of a bitch)
hopefully she will learn some small modicum of indpendence before she ends up like that crazy lady.
on the other hand, i went to the library. tis so good to have lots of books. and its almost spring break! wonder how that will be. hmm... i better bring my cd player. i wonder if i can bring my story too. make it longer. ^_________^
alright. thats my alotted lj ramble.
>^.^
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| why dotn we learn history like this in school? |
[19 Mar 2005|07:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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amused |
] |
Romans were very practical people, and for them piercing almost always served a purpose. Roman centurions pierced their nipples not because they liked the way it looked, but to signify their strength and virility. It was a badge of honor that demonstrated the centurion’s dedication to the Roman Empire. As a symbol, it was important and served a specific function, unifying and bonding the army. Even Julius Caesar pierced his nipples to show his strength and his identification with his men.
Genital piercing through the head of the penis was performed on gladiators, who were almost always slaves, for two reasons. A ring through the head of the penis could be used to tie the organ back to the testicles with a length of leather. In gladiatorial combat, this prevented serious injury. With a large enough ring or bar, it also prevented the slave from having sex without the owner’s consent. Since the gladiator was “property,” a stud fee could be charged to another slave owner for the highly prized opportunity to raise the next generation of great fighter.
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| because repression can be a very ugly thing indeed |
[08 Mar 2005|08:30pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 thoughtful |
] |
list of behaviors that really annoy me:
-mimicing, especially right after someone else just said it (we heard it the first time!)
-excessive whining (just shut up and do the work. nobody wants to but some of us do it anyways)
-excessive crying for no reason (if your grandma died, you can cry all you want. if you are crying because you are just ridiculously emotional then you should not cry but instead take medication)
-complaining about work to someone who has more work and less time (because that puts the person who works a lot in the awkward position of pretending to feel bad for someone who they reallouy want to stuff in a barrel)
-really bad grammar or spelling on purpose, capitalization not withstanding online (everyone makes typos, me especially. but when people do on purpose or because they are stupid it in inexcusable)
-inability to move on from past events (dwelling is just an ugly annoying habit)
-playing games to try to get someone to guess what is wrong (tell me or dont tell me but dont expect me to ask more than once. or twice if you didnt hear me)
-trying to butt in on someone else's inside joke without being invited (its just rude and presumptuous)
-talking about something that you have no clue about (there is nothing as fun as an intelligent conversation and likewise nothing so utterly pointless as an dumb one)
-excessive clinging (because is good to be established as an indiviual. dependence drives people away. and for a good reason)
okay. ten is enough. just decided to get a littl rant out there. because i can.
now time for ten things that really amuse me. just for balance:
-gay men, especially historical gay men (proof that gayness endues many different fashions)
-a really good long challenging work out (because you just feel so perfectly exhausted and you hurt the next day and smile because it means you did something)
-libraries and bookstores (the book smell alone makes me feel smarter and happier)
-finding money (it really makes you feel good. i sually treat myself to something fun like a hat or a book)
-late-night in-the-dark random specualative conversations with friends (its just cool)
-spending time with friends doing silly things and making inside jokes (like trying on hats in stores to mock them)
-baking (it smells good and it makes other people happy and then they do nice things for you)
-bach (as if the sn wasn't a clue)
-going to bookstores and naming the books you've already read (it makes me feel special)
-finishing a piece of writing and then printing it out (being tangible makes it that much more of an accomplishment)
there we go. balance. kind of. ^_______^
[edit]
one last rant. so when im pissy because im mad "its no excuse" but when my bro is pissy because he's mad "leave him alone something's bothering him"
tell me there's not someting wrong with that. and i wonder why im messed up like i am.
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| mid-evening confession |
[01 Mar 2005|09:23pm] |
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mood |
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 girlie (no shit!) |
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i want a bf.
or at least to flirt.
wow i feel so girlie!
i dont usually feel girlie.
wish i was pretty or skinny etc...
but isnt gunna happen. so have to make do.
but still feel all girlie.
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fugue_in_dminor's journal
bouncy